Ouch! My Brain hurts!

magineay fay ewa adhay otay riteway niay igpay atinlay! OlyHay owkay! hattay ouldway ebay oughtay!

This is what I've spent some of my day on. Imagining how it would be if we had to talk and write in Pig Latin. (you were saying, mom, about me needing help?)

In other more relevant news, the remainder of my contract here is being picked up by another group. So I'm safe until at least January. Of course, that announcement comes on the heels to a ANTASTIC-FAY NTERVIEW-IAY. Cross your appendiages for me on this one.

Dudley Manlove is gearing up for their top 10 Worst Songs this year (Oct 28th is the show). I thought it would be fun to see what's in the line up already.

100. “In the Year 2525 (Exoridum and Terminus)” – Zager and Evans
Fun Fact: “In the Year 2525” was the number one single in the country on July 20, 1969, the date of the Armstrong/Aldrin moon landing.

99. “I Will Always Love You” – Whitney Houston
Written by Dolly Parton in 1973 (reportedly during her professional breakup with country legend Porter Wagoner), it wasn’t until Houston’s bombastic version appeared in The Bodyguard that the ballad took the pop charts by storm. And storm it did – the song peaked at #1 and stayed there for 14 weeks. That’s a whole lotta love.

Fun Fact: In a recent interview, Parton claimed that Elvis Presley wanted to record the song.

98. “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” – Wham! Jitterbug!
The duo of Andrew Ridgeley and, um…er…I can never remember that other guy’s name. I want to say George Michael, but isn’t that the host of The Sports Machine? Written by Michael – and inspired by a note Ridgeley left at a hotel – “Wake Me Up” introduced the world to men wearing daisy dukes and glow-in-the-dark gloves.

Fun Fact: Ridgeley went on to marry Keren Woodward, one of the original members of Bananarama. I could have sworn he was gay.

Side bar: They also performed the ill memory song Careless Whispers. One song in which my mother and I cannot hear on the radio without calling the other person. See June 19, 2006 for info on Mike Pomerleau.

97. “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” – Wang Chung
Pop Quiz: in the sentence “Everybody Wang Chung tonight,” please conjugate the verb “wang chung.” Now do it without being vulgar.

Fun Fact: Originally called “Huang Chung,” the band claimed their name meant “perfect pitch” in Chinese. Later, they confessed that “wang chung” was their description of the sound an electric guitar makes. Deep.

96. “We’re Not Gonna Take It” – Twisted Sister
Take a glam rock band from NYC with a charismatic lead singer (Dee Snider, possibly the ugliest cross-dresser since Milton Berle.) Give them a sing-a-long rock anthem all about fighting authority. Steal the melody from “O Come All Ye Faithful” (sing the first line of the chorus of both songs back to back – you’ll see.) I’m just surprised more bands don’t follow this tried-and-true formula.

Fun Fact: Dee Snider testified in Washington DC to protest the use of warning labels on rock records. Two other notable testifiers: Frank Zappa...and John Denver.

Side bar: This was one of the songs I voted on originally, but decided to not make the boys of the band potentially sing this one. Why? Because it gets stuck in my head and won't go away.

95. “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” – Trace Adkins
For those readers unfamiliar, the term “badonkadonk” (I hate typing it as much as you hate reading it) is an onomatopoetic reference to the movement of a lady’s ample rear end while walking or dancing. Adkins, a top Country artist, broke into mainstream pop radio by co-opting the hip-hop term for his first and only crossover hit. Sample lyric: “We hate to see her go/but we love to watch her leave/with that honky tonk badonkadonk/keepin’ perfect rhythm/make ya wanna swing along/like Donkey Kong.”

Fun Fact: A former oil rig worker, Trace Adkins is missing part of a finger. OK, maybe that’s not really “fun.”

94. “Dirrty” – Christina Aguilera
Redman Xtina’s first solo attempt at roughing up her bubblegum musical image was also her first true flop on the pop charts – maybe it was the Mad Max-ish video featuring Aguilera as some sort of futuristic lap dancer and/or pro wrestler. Maybe it was the extra “r” in the title. Or maybe her fans wanted her to use her phenomenal voice on an actual song.

Fun Fact: “Dirrty” spent 20 weeks on the Hot 100 – an amazing feat considering the song didn’t crack the Top 40.

93. “Courtesy of the Red White and Blue (The Angry American)” – Toby Keith
Ugly Americanism at its worst: “And you’ll be sorry that you messed with/the U.S. of A./`Cause we`ll put a boot in your ass/It`s the American way.” Keith has since claimed that he wrote those harsh words right after 9/11 imagining what he father, a veteran who had recently died, would think. “I never really intended for this to be a song,” says Keith. That’s just wishful thinking now.

Fun Fact: Keith considers himself a “conservative Democrat.”

92. “Dirty White Boy” – Foreigner
"Dirty White Boy," one of their least succesful compositions, reinvents rock star Gramm as a boy from the wrong side of the tracks who is apparently both white and dirty. To convince us, he repeats the phrase "dirty white boy" 29 times. We get it, Lou. Now hit the showers.

Fun Fact: The album Head Games (featuring "Dirty White Boy") contained a song called "Blinded by Science." Two years later, Foreigner recorded their biggest album, 4, with Thomas Dobly on keyboards -- who later had a hit with "She Blinded Me With Science." Eerie, no?

91. “I Wanna Be a Cowboy” -- Boys Don’t Cry
Named after a Cure song, Boys Don’t Cry were five British studio musicians who had one novelty hit and rode off into the sunset. Since then, the only place they’ve been active is in the court room – Richards and Chatton have sued both Paula Cole (for the remix of “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone”) and Kid Rock (for the song “Cowboy”) for using the phrase “I Wanna Be a Cowboy.” Dudes, just be happy anyone remembers your song.

Fun Fact: Richards owned the Maison Rouge studio in London where acts like Wham and A-ha recorded in the 80s.

90. “The Final Countdown” – Europe
Last year’s #1 Worst Song tumbles way down the poll this year. Another wretched sci-fi rock song, “Countdown” is best remembered for its repetitive keyboard line and clumsy, clunky lyrics. Imagine “Star Wars” composer John Williams writing a rock song and singing in halting English, throw in the obligatory hammer-on guitar solo, and you’ve got “The Final Countdown.”

Fun Fact: “The Final Countdown” shares its name with a 1980 time-travel movie starring Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen.

Next up: 89 - 80. Stay tuned...