Its never easy to say goodbye

In fact, today a friend summed it up the best, "There are no words."

I've been struggling all day with saying goodbye and not wanting to really fully admit that is where we are at with BigBro. We're saying goodbye.

How do you say goodbye to a man who was bigger than life itself? Who captivated a room when he was present? Who gave the best darn bear hugs in the world?

There are no words.

And yet here we are.  Hope has been extinguished, replaced instead with a sudden and very real comprehension.

How'd we get here? What went wrong?

BigBro was scheduled to go into surgery on Monday to have permanent drains put into his lungs to help drain the fluid.  Before they could get him on the operating table he went into cardiac arrest. We lost him for 3 minutes.  CPR brought him back.

His lungs are damaged. They will never breath on their own again. He's on life support and being kept alive by machines.

He's sedated, but very much present.  He knows when someone's in the room and responds as best he can.  I'm sure he's frustrated with a tube down his throat and it won't allow him to speak. Cuz if he could speak he'd be rolling his eyes wondering what all the fuss is about.

I'll tell you what all the fuss is about, he made everyone's life brighter and better. He is that extra shake of glitter that just made it all better. He is BigBro. The man everyone knows. The man who knows no stranger. The man who stands on the street corner with a sign begging for money for a cause you're passionate about.  The man who, without a doubt, would give you the shirt off his back. The man who gave everyone something to smile about. He is my big brother.

We fuss because we love him. Because we can't imagine what life will be like without him. We have this need to express to him just how very many lives he's touched.  If ever there was a doubt that he  left a mark on this world, Facebook and the hundreds of text messages received would show him that the world loved him.

We fuss because we can. Because there's no other way we know how to be. There's no better way to show him just how much he's loved and will be so missed.

There has been no date nor time determined when we will have to say goodbye to him. It's soon. Sooner than we all ever dreamed it would be.  In the next couple of days one very bright star will be bright no longer.