Growing Pains

I don't much remember having growing pains when I was a kid, but I vaguely remember parents (not necessarily mine) talking about there being pain when kids grow. I think I must have been a late bloomer - again - in that regards. Because here I am in my 30's and I'm still growing. Will it ever stop?

Let me catch you up.
About 3 years ago my cousin Sherrie was diagnosed with breast cancer. The realization of something that scary happening to someone my age shocked me into taking a good long look at my life.

Since that time, I've done a tremendous amount of growing (emotionally not physically, peanut gallery).

Most of my growth has been with respect to how I handle myself in a professional environment. And further, what I wanted to be when I grew up. Many of you know I'm a PMP (not a PiMP but a Project Management Professional). I studied long and hard to take that professional exam and ended up passing with what I thought to be a stellar grade. And I'm convinced I have found my calling.

My former company "The one that shall not be named", didn't appreciate me. I worked hard there. I proved myself time and again there. There is where I learned to be underappreciated for my talents. I was dedicated to the success of them. Each time I would try to promote myself into the project management world, or to show them I was a valueable resource I'd be slapped back down. But never getting a full explanation as to why. Eventually I was beat. I was running low on self esteem, low on self worth, and certainly low on motivation. I've never in my life felt as low about myself as when I worked there. And I promise you this, I learned a lot because of it. I will never allow myself to be in that situation again. So I guess I could thank them.

I swore when I left that company that I would never look back. I felt betrayed by a company who promised me great things, then one by one took them away from me. They taught me a crucial lesson: Only I can be responsible for my career and growth. And only I can allow someone to make me feel as low as I felt.

I was 100% certian I would move on into a role in which I could potentially send business their direction, but as I walked out the doors of Catalysis I swore I would not.

Yet I find myself at a crossroads this very morning. I could either hold the grudge and not suggest the company that shall not be named, or I could grow a little and put that grudge to rest. I chose the higher road.

I'm not looking for kudos for choosing the higher road, because I, personally, think that should be the road chosen each time. It should be the standard rather than the exception. But it took my friend Shannon (Sh*tKicker Shannon - with whom I'll be spending quality Sh*tKicker time with tonight) to point out to me that in fact, I had made a significant advancement in my growth. Her message to me touched me greatly and I want to share it with you all.

Shannon wrote:
"I'm SO proud of you. One of my saddest moments of you leaving is hearing you say you'd never send a project our way, I was sad for Catalysis, sad for me (since if this place goes under I'm unemployed), and MOST OF ALL sad for you and how beat down you had been by this place and the people here because you deserved more. Seems like the healing process has begun and maybe you'll eventually be able to remember what brought you here in the first place and kept you here and so loyal for so long. There had to be SOMETHING. You're such a great woman Jenn, I'm VERY proud of who you are and the things you do."

Morale of the story: Even when you least expect it, growth happens. If we open our eyes to the potential of growth, what could we truly be? I heard a quote once, and may have shared it in this blog, "If we change the way we see things, the things we see change."

And for this, I think I deserve Sainthood.