When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be

As if the Great Yahoo Swami was smiling upon me. It sent me this inspirational horoscope on Saturday afternoon...after my giant leap. Coincidence? Or something more?

Learn to give yourself up to the universal flow. If it's really meant to be, none of your efforts can screw this up. On the other hand, if it's not meant to happen, nothing you can do can make it occur.
I find it amusing that it says, "none of your efforts can screw this up," as if to say its customary for me to screw things up, but try as I might I won't be able to screw this up. Hah...just watch me.

This weekend's "growth" got me to thinking...scary I know. But stick with me on this. Recently I watched a movie called "What the Bleep do we know" (Thanks ChickenLady for the recommendation) and this movie, like so many things in my life, seemed to come to me when I needed some type of cosmic explanation for why things go the way they do for me. I, of course, took notes, because I was sure there was going to be some revelation spoken to me. Something I knew I'd forget if I didn't write it down.

Now several week's later I was reviewing the notes I took. And what jumped out to me is this enormous pink elephant standing in the middle of my reality, blocking my view of what is real versus what my past experiences tell me are real. Is it possible that we are conditioned to our daily lives, so conditioned to the way we create our lives, that we buy the idea that we have no control at all? Maybe too many memories clouds our vision?

I know I may be losing you, but stick with me, I'll get to a point, I promise.

During the movie one of the many scientist they have on there – whether real scientist or not they spoke to me. Anyhow, one of them goes into this discussion about how the brain is made up. He says,

“The brain is maid up of tiny nerve cells called neurons. These neurons have tiny branches that reach out to other neurons and form a neuron net. Each place in which they connect is incubated into a thought or a memory. The brain builds up all its concepts by the law of associate memory, for example ideas, thoughts and feelings, are all constructed and interconnected in this nero-net and all have a possible relationship with one another. The concept in the feeling of love, for existence, is stored in this vast nero-net. But we build this concept of love from many other different ideas. Some people have love connected to disappointment. When they think about love, they experience the memory about pain, sorrow, anger and even rage. Rage may be linked to hurt which may be linked to a specific person which is then connected back to love. “

“We build up models of how we see the world outside of us. The more information we have, the more we refine our model one way or another. And what we ultimately do is tell ourselves a story about what the outside world is. Any information that we process, any information that we take in by the environment, is always colored by the experiences that we’ve had and an emotional response to what we’re having to what we’re bringing in. “
See?

Now here’s my point. Here I am, at a crossroads again. I will take the leap and have the conversation with the crush. I mean really, what’s the worse thing that could happen. The WORST thing is he could spit in my face, call me an old hag and tell me to get out of his life. That, for certain, won’t happen. Even if he just wants to be friend, I’m in a win win situation. I win because I was brave enough to put myself out there and have gained anew friend (and maybe some respect for being so brave). AND I could win if he says that he too is attracted to me (ironically as I type that my brain is saying, yah right.).

I know I’m a good person. People like me. I’m stable, solid, a bit nutty but overall, a good person with a good solid head on my shoulders. And I can cook. What guy wouldn’t like that?

The real trick to life is to not be in the know, but to be in the mystery.


And as if the cosmic forces already working towards me aren’t enough. This just in. I get a daily quote and this is what today was:

“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.”